Since my husband died in 2020, I have given a lot of thought to how to change my life. First, I needed to figure out what I wanted my new foundation to look like. I felt that starting with my environment was key for what would follow. I needed a new space that did not constantly remind me of my life with Thomas. I reason we are certainly not going to forget the people we love so very much. But when I look around the rooms, if I change my view___ I asked myself, how would that impact me? It did, I created a space I could simply relax in, and it felt cozy. I used calming colors and did things I liked the looks of but had never tried before. My daughter helped antique by painting my coffee table. I wanted a Boho look. Something fun! We painted the benches and set them around the dining room. We painted a bookshelf, a small stand. The colors were yellow, peach an off white and pale blue.
I also want to make changes to my wardrobe. New clothes always feel good. I asked myself, how do I want to express myself at this age?
I have wrestled with being suddenly single. I have been married more than I have been single. What do you do with this when you are in your sixties? And after? No one gets younger? I have no reference for what life is like at this age, and like any other points in life we come to, there are no instructions, therefore I conclude life is what I make it! I do not want to pigeonhole myself into someone else’s idea of what life needs to be now.
I have decided to work on being me. And simply make my dream with Shibui happen. Be a writer and an artist. Get back into the swing of these two things. I took time for myself to grieve Thomas. I wanted to feel the feelings, and think about what it would mean to untangle from who were had been. I had always been who I am, Thomas supported my independent self. But there is the couple we were, and how we loved each other. I explored what I learned about love during our nearly 22 years of marriage. We had something special. I am at a point wondering if I will ever have yet another chance for love again. So the how you feel does, it can evolve. For now, I will simply explore myself, and perhaps one day meet someone who is interesting, charming, loving, kind, etc. Who can love me for who I am, and in turn, I can love him for who he is.
How life works out? Who knows____but living fully is the idea. Being more healthy mentally and physically is key.
I plan to move, and be closer to my daughter so I can be Grammie on a regular basis. Be there to influence my grandchildren in art, writing, and life. I have a lot I can offer them. And I want to build upon what my daughter their mother and I have. My middle daughter and son too! Living life has every busy. If we are closer together then we can make life richer. Moving will change things up.
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