Coffee at the right! Sunshine outside. Ready to roll. My new inks came today from Birmingham Ink Company! Always a bit of a thrill. Periwinkle and Heron. The names they give to the ink made are always interesting. I will write pen pals later on, and I will do some fountain pen sketches at some point in time.
I wrote about the past last two blogs. I don’t mind writing about the past because I am not alone in such an experience. I do have a bit more to say, as an encouragement to others.
It is what we do after such experiences that matters most. I went on and even though I had to deal with things that hurt me, I had a very happy life with Thomas. I learned to set boundaries, and feel good about them.
When people do things and say things to us it is shocking. It is what we do with the experience. The tendency is to want to have justice done, be apologized to, have an answer about why? And it’s impossible to get the responses you need. It becomes complex when others get on board who do not support you or believe something not true. Or these others don’t want to get involved. It’s hard when you’re alone in a situation. It takes time to heal and find your own bottom line. It takes time to separate from the situation. It must happen if you are to be free. Staying for a someday enlightenment, apologies, admittance, acknowledgment, or whatever that hearts desire is will keep you there in sadness and anger, hurt that can be raised up in a flash! When children are involved it is a nightmare.
The best thing you can do is be all that you can be for yourself. Find a place you can grow. Find a good counselor. If he or she moves you forward where you have balance and can move past the hurt____then that is how you know you have a good one. Don’t stay with a bad counselor.
Whatever happened you are not responsible for the words or actions of another. There is good and bad anger. Good anger you say how you feel, and it ends. Bad anger is like a cauldron that is constantly stirred. The past events called up in a flash. No resolve.
When nothing said changes a situation it’s time to let go. When in a relationship we are responsible for our own words and actions, and we have accepted responsibility for the relationship with another person. There are two components here. Being all we are as a single person, and being a part of a couple. That means being accountable towards another. When a partner does not act accountable all we can do is fall back on who we are and trust, believe in, respect, and love ourselves. We are not responsible for the other person’s behaviors. We respond to what is said or done. As long as our own behaviors are what we take responsibility for, and we can live with what we say and do. That is all we can do. No one signs up to be hurt by someone they expect love from. It is hard to understand. Making a commitment to a relationship and then having a need to let go is complex. Leaving is hard. Staying is hard. Other people blocking what you need to do is hard. It’s hard to survive it, but it can be done. A better loving life can be found. Peace of mind can come. Clarity can come. It is a grief of another kind to let go of a bad relationship. My experience was 25 or 26 years ago now. Some of my boundaries were not understood by those others___but I had set them by saying what I needed to say. And I let go once I did come to terms with the reality of it all. If you can’t say it face to face, a letter will do or email. Boil it down to “We are all responsible for our own words and actions, and I do hold you accountable for yours.” Then let it go as soon as you can.