Waiting To Become?
Waiting to be? Waiting to become?___Become who? What? As if!____As if nada? Impossible to not be someone. I already am. Why do such thoughts come into the mind? They create confusion. Isn’t that a younger person’s question? Should I not know myself by now? Or is it just a question to waste time on? Is this fearful procrastination? Because suddenly I am alone___. How seriously do I take such questions at this stage of the game? Time is not limitless anymore. I don’t want to stack up pros and cons forever now. How should time matter? I think in the end it should not matter. I think we affect what we can at any stage. I think faith, hopes and dreams are the answer. Waiting to begin living again? To continue with important plans? This is not living life, nor is it being present. Is it? It feels like waiting. I am restless. Too many years have burned by, and nothing but myself stops me now. For where there is a will there is a way! If I keep waiting? Expecting to be broadsided by thoughts of him___. Then what to do about these? Moving into the world even again? Time should soften the blows, and remind me I am much more. I always was, and I will always be. He died, not me!
Pejj Nunes 11/10/2021