Oh, My Love___.
Oh, my love, I imagine you ___For you to be____to exist. It’s hard, so hard, to not see, nor feel your touch. Memories___. This is what I have now___, Instead. There is no solid you to lean on. Where are you now? Where is it we go when we die? Do memories of me live on with you? Or linger a while? I’d love to know. Your death makes me sad. I have found a place for my sadness. How many times have you sat beside me? Held my hand. Kissed me. Made love to me? That thrill is gone. There was my side, and there was your side of our bed____. We met in the middle where you held me in your arms, You, across from me. Me across from you! Dear sweet you____, Romantic you____. So much love, so much laughter! Listening, sharing, being. I want to feel your touch! I want to hear your voice again! That would be such a tease, so unfair___And, creepy, love. So! None of that! Such madness! No, your off exploring! Besides, I would only long for you more deeply once again. It’s not fair, is it? Too long for you, when I can’t have you? I could not bear more than what you had for the suffering to breathe. You hated what you were going through. I did too! I could not make this better. Helplessness. I hated it because it was hard on you. I watched.___ that part was your journey into death. I wanted to cry. I did. There it was! Plop! “Meander through this one! And not survive it.”(The voice in the head is a sadistic one,) Your slow death___, Mine to watch; to be there. To not overthink, just do whatever. To not feel, until it was time to feel. Expected pain, wailing pain. To plan without over-talking “it” ___the elephant in the room. There is a voice that says, “Not enough!”___Then, never enough! What is enough? But what more was there? Only to love more deeply. No magic wands laying around with this one! Old, boy! I can not engineer any construction to save you from this. I miss you. I need you! I miss your love, your laughter. No more days to learn more about you now. No more time____, I am learning it will be like this, and I work towards how to move on. Something I never imagined. There would always be you and me. Your memories will always be a part of me. I am told hurt will soften. As for me? I will survive this too! Until I am no more. My road ahead? The immediate life to be lived? If one day, I am to love again? ___What of someone loving me? What then do I do with you? I think____, I think that my heart will still have room and not break in two. You taught me, you showed me what real love is. What? What happens twice. I see that it can. It does! I do not want to compare___I want to feel loved. To let love teach me again if it will, new things that surprise me. Love? Awwww____Love. I know you so very well, I know you would want me to love and be loved. To be loved by someone, to not feel alone. How rich my life was with you in it. This kind of richness you can not lose. It goes with you, you carry it forever. Time will tell what contentment I choose. It will depend_____.
Pejj Nunes 11/4/2021
I feel the grief. It is still raw. Well done.
To write well you must write what you know. To know things you must feel even if it hurts. There is a balance to be found. There is peace there. And more.
LikeLiked by 2 people
So true. Sometimes to write what you know is to re-live pain – and that can be very difficult.
That is why I am writing to release the pain of losing Thomas and to honor Thomas. So I feel and cry, love should hurt. I should miss him. Thomas was an amazing person. He loved me for who I am, and I loved him for who he was. That made life together really special.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So lovingly written. Tom would approve entirely!
Thank you most cincerely.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are welcome!