Good Morning Sunshine, Death.

The prose of Death.

I’ve seen you in the morning light, and watched your sleeping face. And now I have seen you when you will wake no more. I thought, and dared not cry, or show my fearful feelings___. Not my body. I could not feel. Nor take this away! No, I did not feel the lungs that turned to leather. Oxygen could not abide. Less, and less, and less and then the machine. Tubes that trailed behind you everywhere and you hated this! The tortuous rehab to test where you were at. It made it worse! I waited for you to talk about this, and gratefully it never came. Your focus was not yourself, always just, always just me___. Time with you went way too fast love! Limbo land. Then one day “it” happened, coughing, too great to stop! Then x-rays and we were told___3 to 5years___it would depend, Now overwhelming coughing, this is when I did see the fear on your eyed____. And so my darling it was a time for us to never say goodbye, My watchful caregiver hat went on. Spending time together___. Was so important. Yet times I needed to be alone, and feel. Fearing you would catch me with tears on my face. Newly retired, it was supposed to be just us in the studio__. Travel, being Grammie and Grampy Tom. Poof! Gone, Hard to watch someone you love die, yet it could have been worse. All we could do was be strong, and watch, and be there! I think you too had to be by yourself. I wondered if you cried. The awful surprise? The better way to die? Your heart just stopped. It simply stopped. Before it stopped I leaned you against me. I kissed your cheek, and waited for the ambulance. They asked you questions, you really could not answer. I saw you look upward, just before you slumped over. And then you were gone! They tried to access you. Their job. Rather this, than far worse___ slow fearful death alone. That I feel I might never have recovered from to see you suffer. Unable to breathe, comfort care to help you die___Morphine. Useless machines plugged in to you, you away from me! Your body did a perfect thing, it just stopped, you just stopped.

10/30/2021

Note: I am ok. Writing about the experience to be able to let go of thoughts.

By Pejj Nunes

I live in Southern Maine. I am the owner of Anisette Studios. My website is https://www.anisettestudios.com/ Here you can view and purchase Shibui, sign up for my newsletters, blog, and read articles about Shibui Found Image Art. Patrons get great deals several times a year and special items at times. My site makes it easy to contact me. My primary art form is Shibui Found Image Art. Shibui begins with action art and stems from the imagination. It is like seeing something in the clouds or solving a puzzle. Its creative process has its own rules and requires what I call reverse engineering due to a lack of an understructure and purely out of the imagination. In addition to those who patron me, my target groups are those who use art therapy. I will soon be teaching live. Contact me if you would like to learn live. I use Zoom. I request that although my art, other images, and what I write is now published by me here on WordPress; I do ask you do not to use my artwork, poetry, or the information about Shibui Found Image Art without my permission. I am quite available to make such requests. I wish to share the following: The existentialist philosopher Simone de Beauvoir wrote a book called The Ethics of Ambiguity. In it, she lays out a guiding ethic in response to the philosophy of existentialism. It might be somewhat familiar to you already. She writes, “To will oneself free is also to will others free. This will is not an abstract formula. It points out to each person concrete action to be achieved.” Best wishes to all! Have good times and keep safe! Pejj

4 comments

    1. Thank you! That was my goal. It means I was successful? I wanted to tell it like it was, its stark reality, and what it was like to be there. That fact I would not want to be anywhere else, And to see a loved one pass, was knowing that he died a better death than it could have been. His mother had lung cancer and before she died she looked up a bit as Tom, and she said with great excitement, unexpectedly, “Alright! Let’s Go! She had died before during an operation, and not wanted to come back because it was beautiful. They way she was excited seems marvelous after days of no responses. She had such zest for life. This happened just before she died.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thomas mother had also said she would be back after she died. And I told her to leave white feathers, and she did for several years and out of the blue! When you put boxes down, then lift them up and a feather is there___when they appear at each door of you new home all at the same time, When tone is found in the bedroom carpet, and can not be vac ced out…but is then in the kitchen on that floor, My daughter espreince. You believe the possible. I did not own anything with feathers in it, I would smell her perfume. We blame the Dad if something went missing. LOL A calender did, a new artsy one and months later it turned up in a stack of new newspapers? I do think there is more to life. If this is the case then we are not alone.

      Liked by 1 person

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