I am keen to feel my heaviness. It came with his passing.
What comes to mind is how intertwined we really were.
And now part of me has left. Then, was a lighter part of me.
His laughter! And his smile___these are not here now.
Nor is the electric current that ran through me from our togetherness.
I am a battery with the juice fading out, I need to recharge.
I am keen to feel my heaviness. The loss of such love is heavy.
There is this hole in your heart you fill with sadness,
Sadness as its place as do all feelings, the sadness is not so heavy.
It’s the missing part of your self, freely given through deep trust.
Something that feels unending, now I know its betrayal?
That love may stay, but where it was so safely contained____
There is a difference with this loss, more than any other.
The intimacy of a partner____so much is shared, examined,
So much is known, to that one person! Through everything___
He was my mirror in so many ways. My guru,
Connected, a by fire that shot through us. A light that shone.
That we could face anything, anything but death.
There is a tiny part of me that feels “How can I do this?”
But I know I can. I will find my way. I will express this.
Things have been tainted just a bit like a veil I can see past.
This one thing, my loss I need words for. I am finding them.
He was there to listen. I heard all of him. So I miss him.
I know how to get to me, to find my feelings, that’s vital.