It has been such a joy to watch Jacobie become all that she is now! I feel I must have done something right! LOL From the moment she was born there was something about her. An inner flame. She refused to sit down at three months as if she was ready to run into the world. Always! A “No! Mama! Me do it!” Person. Most things have been on her terms I think. I had promised her to turn all I could into yeses, and if I had to say no I would say why.
I got to hug and love her up but I felt it was on her terms, she wanted to be busy knowing about things. I chose to be deliberate with my parenting of the kids when they were young. I felt loving them for who they individually were was important, and that is what I have always wanted and felt was vital. I wanted my children to really feel how much I loved them. I wanted them to know how special they were to me. I adored them. But I knew they would need to grow and become whoever they wanted to be. I could support that and help them beleive in themselves.
Children do not always understand why you do or say as you do, nor why you make or do not make decisions. In time they do learn the complexities of living life. Hell! It is a big learning curve. And we go on what we feel we know, and what makes sense. There is little time to do all you want for your children.
I felt a strong need to help her understand so many things. I did not get to teach all I wanted to, but we try to make up for loss time, as do most parents and children, I think.
I always felt out of all the people in the world that out to know us, it should be our children. This is not such a carte blanc thing. Life and other people can get in the way.
The best thing is to be all we ourselves can be! And kind of put ourselves within range so we get noticed. By saying different hats at different times, learning when to take a hat off, and when to put it back on. The role of a parent is multifaceted.
I thought a lot about parenting because I did not always feel my own mother got it right. But she did, and I learned this after I got into parenting. The things she imparted were the things she had struggled with. I recall at 25 realizing that she too had been trying to make her relationship with my father work and that she wanted things out of life too!
The thing with being a parent, you teach without kids knowing what you are up to I think. You do this by asking them what they would do if they were you. You can learn a lot and give yourself time if when they do something they shouldn’t by having them write down one side or two sides of a paper why they should not do what they did! Not that they will fill the side or sides of the paper all it. The goal is to make them think about their words and actions. My middle girl had pushed her younger brother on the cellar stairs. From my position at the top, I saw him almost fall. So I reacted but I had decided to have the kids write these papers. I sat Clair down with a paper and pencil feeling like I wanted to do ten pages, not 1! But the results were: “1. I will not push my brother on the stairs. 2. I am sorry I pushed my brother on the stairs. 3. I will not push my brother on the celler stairs because I might kill him! 4. I DO LOVE MY BROTHER! 5. I can’t think of anything else.”
Clairissa was the fix-it kid, the observer, fast learner. And like her older sister very smart. She was given unlimited reading in Kindergarden. She knew things before they would happen. Her sister would ask “How does she do that!” An interesting child who try to not do what was not necessary. She wanted company when she did things like dishes. She could read so I gave her a list of the process of how to do it! LOL and promised time with her when she was done. Not neat with her side of the bedroom. Picking up made no sense to her. Jacobie on the other hand likes everything to make sense and neatness counts. Clair still has a great sense of humor and loves children is working in an elementary school, going for teaching.
He is the bachelor, an apple farmer, maple syrup farmer? And vegetable farmer! Makes maple syrup candy and jelly, etc. Clair helps him. They were thick as thieves from day one! 17 months apart. Like twins what one did not think up the other would. A carpenter. He is a man of few words, an observer and “My Old Owl.” I feel he loves the outdoor greatly. Fishes and hunts. “A Mainer.” As a kid, he incorporated work into his play. Like piling wood. He took over his sister’s pink 3 wheeler zooming the driveway. He had a good imagination too! He had an uncle Jake who died several times daily, but he did everything with him! He would be seen talking a mile a minute on the hot wheeler stopping and gesturing. He would tell me of his and Jakes’s adventures. We had Santa Claus living in our basement for some time! But when he started peeing in cans____well! I told Stephen he would have to ask Santa to leave if he kept doing that! And Santa stopped peeing in cans. I felt a little guilty after in case Stephen thought he’d have to leave. LOL