Bargaining for time? No___I think not.
I argue this; why should I bargain my days?
Should I just not live? What kind of world is this?
Born into something you have no chance for? Is it?
I do not recall such a time. But here I am, with time ahead___.
How much I do not know. It is not like it was, I am not young.
I do not feel any different than when I was, only in body perhaps.
I still want to embrace all I can. I still want to be loved, wanted.
My days now are less than they were, due to lose of a love.
I am without, though not alone. All I loved changed.
How to deal with such a time. Go within my mind, my body said.
Go within and find what’s there you can trust in for yourself.
This___a year long pilgrimage. I am far better for___,
The journey to a mountain, where floods happen, and land tilts.
The distance looked far away, but there are near clouds.
I feel whole, assured of what I had that now comforts me.
Grateful for that gift of time. “Until death do, we part.”
Such a stark line for a living experience. I did, I would all over___,
Even it it would end like this again! I wish for another life then.
With this soul. May it be more about us, and not filled with,
The things we did in this life. I want more of him. My love.
This I do not believe is something we can bargain for. Yet!
I do not know what happens after this life ends. They say we do___.
That we rejoin life with other souls. I pray I do!
But as for now? How to live fully is the question. How to fill life up.
And make my dreams happen. Find support in new ways.
I now think of love___loving again, and what that might be.
If I should, may it be someone I can love for himself,
And he loved me so much! For who I was to him.
And I loved all of who he was! I miss him___.
I am older, not young. What does that mean?
Love___the love of a partner, that gives you intimacy,
That gives you the deepest friendship. This is something I think____,
That we don’t seek, but be all we are in being ourselves.
And then one day perhaps we are noticed? Perhaps that is how it is.
In the time being there are things to be done. A life to live.
Philosophies to impart that they might make someone think.
It might be someone responds, to my writings or my art.
I know people who have been so lucky! Will I?
This means being present so I notice, not so deeply sad.
Not so deeply lost that I see no light at the end of the tunnel.
Hope comes with finding ways to change things.
Finding hope is an adventure. Finding love is, to be loved is.
While waiting? Friends and family___someone is always there!
So___Is this where I am after a year’s reflection?