From Joyce Fifler’s To Everything There Is A Season.
“Forgive me if along the way somewhere____I have killed your hopes and dreams____with my own disbelief in everything good. Forgive me if I could not see with your vision the beauty of this world and the infinite possibilities for peace. Forgive me my restlessness____that I could not pause on the path____to allow wisdom to come forth. Forgive me that I have not treated each new day____ with the same ultimate joy that you know____for another change to be worthy. Forgive me for not listening____when the very atmosphere is so charged____with universal music___and ideas too many to grasp. Forgive me my foolishness____which I could see and touch. Forgive me that I have not thought____deeply enough or outside the limits___of the ordinary mind____to believe and overcome. Forgive me that I have not sensed___the intense value of life____the infinitesimal beauty in everywhere____in the smallest to the most majestic of God’s creation. Forgive me that I have not said thank you.”
I have felt all of these things, it always strikes me that I get hung up on “What does it mean to forgive?” Does it mean to forget? No, I don’t think so. We do experience what we experience. I think it means finding a place in the filing cabinet brain we have; to find a place where we put our conclusions about things. Things we need closure on, so to move forward. Then let go of those things.
This is about how other people experience us. Regret that we have said or done something____I like to back track and with purpose talk with people, but it is not always possible.
A lot depends one if conversations are good or not so good. Our words and actions matter, it is our responsibility as to how we are in life. But then we must remember there is always a new day to try in. I told my kids when they had done something not so go. “Look! There is always tomorrow! Try, Try, Try Again! We need to have hope, and know we can learn from our mistakes. In that we find forgiveness of ourselves I think.
I know others who have dashed my hopes and dreams because they did not believe in good things. They did not have my vision, or see infinite possibilities for peace. They have lost hope. We must have hope. I have watched the restlessness, and seen people feel they were were not worthy. We all are worthy of many things and if we truly are not then there is always tomorrow. We can change! But we need to see the need to make real and lasting change and in doing so we affect others. We can not worry if other see our change. This is something we must do for ourselves. We need to do many things for ourselves first so we know the feelings. Like if we know what it is to love, trust, believe in, trust and even forgiveness____If we do this for ourselves, then we know how to do it for others. I like to check in on myself, pause to see how I am doing? It gives me pleasure to be a good listener rather than bubble forth because I am so excited about what is being said. I would beg my grandfather for his stories about his life as a boy. I was told more than once until I got it anyway. “Well___Miss Moulton! If you would shut your mouth, and open up those ears of yours! You would learn a lot!” I remember my hand holding my lips closed to remind myself to not talk! I thought, “How do you open ears up? Are they not already open?” I may have been seven.
Teachers talked about the world being more than just “us” and so this was externalized. That there were others to consider in life. This I think was when we learned of poetry and writing because of the context of such works. Meant to broaden our thinking. Again, the words and actions taken. I think people forget to think of what they say and do, like being on autopilot. I think it is because we feel there is no time to live life! We must say things to be heard first or it will never get out! Because we all want the same thing! To be heard. How do we slow down our worlds so there is better use of time? How do I slow my life down to see the beauty in it, and in others. What reminders are there I can leave hanging around to remind me? People do not tend to acknowledge their own philosophy. They think of it as “talk”. Talk is opinion, and in part it is what we believe our truest reality to be, and it is what we adopt as philosophy.
Art is painting the words to say something, writing is painting thoughts with words, and if we stop to notice these things facilitate what we wish to express, or they say what we cannot, it may we do not have the words but now do. It is important to express ourselves. This is why art and writing are important. If you spend time in a gallery those paintings have a lot to say. Not just pretty pictures. And those that seem ugly, they have a lot to say too. If we respond to it it has affected us. There is an intense value you life we simply need to find it. Remember it. “Life is what you make it!” I heard that all my life! It is! This is why I stepped back after Thomas died. I asked myself how I could make life good again, and embrace it as I wanted too. A very important part of my life was now gone. I thought, Tom is gone, but I am alive, with all my thoughts and interests. I am still me. I love to find the limits of the world and go past them. If not in one way, another making my own path so I can have the happiness and joy. I need to step back for myself, and not listen to others when I step back. I do this because I believe and trust in myself enough so I need to check in. It has felt like I went to the mountain to be alone in my thinking, so to come back down and be home again. I know, no other way to be. I do now, and don’t worry too much about what others think. I must do this one thing so I have a sense of self not cluttered by anything someone else may think about me or where I am at. Too much of my life I let others in, and you cannot resolve anything that way.