“A Time to embrace, and a time to refrain form embracing___”
“How often in the early morn___when all the world is new____I stand and gaze at the rising sun___and my thoughts will turn to you____ Are you happy? Is life worthwhile?___Are your hours too few?____Do you mind when the day is done____that your dreams have not come true?____Do you weary of all the things____that life demands each day?____Can you find a quiet place____apart in which to pray? (Or meditate?) And do you leave time____between morn and night____some time just to be free?____But more than that I want to ask____do you ever think of me?”
Have you ever thought of some of these thoughts? I have thought of a number of people, for various reasons both friends and family. I reach out if something is not happening to me. Such as with this time of grieving. I was glad to read someones else need for not always interacting with others, even though they are well-intending, sometimes it does not help, you never know when it may happen. This grieving thing I felt I needed to pay attention to me. And give limited explanations about my feelings to those I could trust to understand. I can be a private person when it comes to myself. Trust is not an issue it simply knowing and honoring the self, respecting who I am. Giving time is the one thing anyone can do. And should do. I don’t like floundering all about in with how I feel. I understand logic and reasoning. Relying on yourself is not a bad thing as long as you do let others in, and reach out. There is a balance with all things. It’s nothing to do with not caring about others. For I do, have, I have been the caregiver many times. And for Thomas___that was the hardest I think. Because I had to hold it together and do what I must each time he has had a stroke, his heart operation, and then with advanced pulmonary fibrosis. So take care of yourself if you have a situation you’re dealing with. It will help you avoid the voice in the head that leads you to so emotional trauma. You don’t need to add to the emotions that hit you! That can mean deep depression. Self-talk is very important. When you grieve, it’s not easy to even think at first. You do feel all over the place. It has been a bot more than a year and I am just getting to the point where I can express my deep feelings. I kept expecting a Tsunami, well____not yet! Is all I can say. I may get hit for all I know! I feel I have inner strength. I am not paying to the voice that says, “Are you strong? How do you know? Well, I just feel I am, I have dealt with the crisis, I have been a caregiver, and when things happen I always pull my shit together and plop into a leader or helper role. I remind myself of these things. I have a teenager to take care of because he is here, no one else is going to do the day-to-day things nor the budget. If I don’t want my dreams to fall apart, I need to find my center that is where the strength is.
I am an observer of myself as much as I am of others and the world around me. If you take on the writer’s or a poet’s mind this is how you are. If you are curious about what it means to be human___your an observer. The world is a very complex and interesting place and we are a part of it. We need to think, we need to slow the merry-go-round down so we can step off if need be; we do need to think about what we want life to be. Not just follow along and do what others do. If it becomes a popular idea to jump off a tall building are you going to go? I think people have forgotten to think about their words and actions and be accountable towards themselves and others. We measure time, everything can only take so long or it shouldn’t be done? Well anyway. There is a time to embrace life and the people in it, and a time when to re-frame from embracing, simply to take the time to think what you are embracing.
Best wishes! Pejj Nunes