Good Morning Sunshine! Reconciliation of grief.

The happiest day! My dearest Thomas.

“You may have heard—indeed you may believe—that your grief journey’s end will come when you resolve, or recover from, your grief. But your journey will never end. People do not “get over” grief. ____Reconciliation is a term I find more appropriate for what occurs as the mourner works to integrate the new reality of moving forward in life without the physical presence of the person who died. With reconciliation comes a renewed sense of energy and confidence, an ability to fully acknowledge the reality of the death and a capacity to become re-involved in the activities of living.___In reconciliation, the sharp, ever-present pain of grief gives rise to a renewed sense of meaning and purpose. Your feeling of loss will not completely disappear, yet they will soften, and the intense pangs of grief will become less frequent. Hope for a continued life will emerge as you are able to make commitments to the future, realizing that the person who died will never be forgotten, yet knowing that your life can and will move forward.” You can read more here. https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/journey-grief-six-needs-mourning/ This site is more useful than some I have read so far.

“You may have heard—indeed you may believe—that your grief journey’s end will come when you resolve, or recover from, your hurt “didn’t end”. He is in another relationship. This made me feel we do come to some sort of resolution. Reconciliations seems a better word. So, people don’t get over “this”____. The risk is closing off feeling about it and not feeling “it”. It being the pain of loss. I do worry how to mourn my loss of Tom. “With reconciliation comes a renewed sense of energy and confidence, an ability to fully acknowledge the reality of the death and a capacity to become re-involved in the activities of living.___In reconciliation, the sharp, ever-present pain of grief gives rise to a renewed sense of meaning and purpose.” I feel this is where I am at. I don’t know just where I am at. I seek balance with how I do feel. I worry about overthinking and therefore over feeling this and of not feeling enough. I dare bet this is normal.

“In reconciliation, the sharp, ever-present pain of grief gives rise to a renewed sense of meaning and purpose. Your feeling of loss will not completely disappear, yet they will soften, and the intense pangs of grief will become less frequent. Hope for a continued life will emerge as you are able to make commitments to the future, realizing that the person who died will never be forgotten, yet knowing that your life can and will move forward.” I feel these words describe where I am at mentally. I feel I am at the beginning of having a purpose, and finding meaning in a new path forward. I feel hopeful. My grief is better, mourning is something that will be a part of life, and I will continue on. I have come to the point where I know I need to make commitments for my future. Thomas will never be forgotten. I loved him and that is why I hurt. He was the one and only! The love of my life. And now he is not here. Poof! So it seems you learn to reconcile your pain, your loss. I let Tom in, into my head and heart and now he’s gone. There is no one to be angry at____. Advance Pulmonary Fibrosis happened because____Tom’s heart was a part of the mix____. Our health stems from what we do, Tom smoked and worked as a Toll taker and both did not help his health out. Etc, etc, etc___. I think the tendency is to stack up pros and cons to rationalize or intellectualize this experience.

One particular question is found on this sight has resignation with me. “Do you have any kind of relationship with someone when they die?” I had not thought of this. The site continues bay stating: “Of course. You have a relationship of memory. Precious memories, dreams reflecting the significance of the relationship and objects that link you to the person who died (such as photos, souvenirs etc.) These are examples of some of the things that give testimony to a different form of a continued relationship. This need of mourning involves allowing and encouraging yourself to pursue this relationship.” This has made me feel a bit better. I put some things away, and found some things that were ok for me. One special photo that makes me smile. The article continues. “But some people may try to take your memories away. Trying to be helpful, they encourage you to take down all the photos of the person who died. They tell you to keep busy or even to move out of your house.” I have not had much of this as experience. Perhaps because of Covid. I like the following promising words. “But in my experience, remembering the past makes hoping for the future possible. Your future will become open to new experiences only to the extent that you embrace the past.” And so this is where I am at.

Pejj Nunes

10/10/2021

By Pejj Nunes

I live in Southern Maine. I am the owner of Anisette Studios. My website is https://www.anisettestudios.com/ Here you can view and purchase Shibui, sign up for my newsletters, blog, and read articles about Shibui Found Image Art. Patrons get great deals several times a year and special items at times. My site makes it easy to contact me. My primary art form is Shibui Found Image Art. Shibui begins with action art and stems from the imagination. It is like seeing something in the clouds or solving a puzzle. Its creative process has its own rules and requires what I call reverse engineering due to a lack of an understructure and purely out of the imagination. In addition to those who patron me, my target groups are those who use art therapy. I will soon be teaching live. Contact me if you would like to learn live. I use Zoom. I request that although my art, other images, and what I write is now published by me here on WordPress; I do ask you do not to use my artwork, poetry, or the information about Shibui Found Image Art without my permission. I am quite available to make such requests. I wish to share the following: The existentialist philosopher Simone de Beauvoir wrote a book called The Ethics of Ambiguity. In it, she lays out a guiding ethic in response to the philosophy of existentialism. It might be somewhat familiar to you already. She writes, “To will oneself free is also to will others free. This will is not an abstract formula. It points out to each person concrete action to be achieved.” Best wishes to all! Have good times and keep safe! Pejj

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