“Have you never laughed to save face, to cover an embarrassing moment, to ease someone else’s self-consciousness?”
“Someone very great once wrote that next to love a sense of humor was our greatest gift.” I know this is so! With my Thomas, this is what we had, lots of love and humor!
“Our ability to laugh, to find subtle humor in the meanest things, can make them less ominous, less apt to grow into monsters. Oliver Wendell Holmes used to say that laughter and tears were meant to turn the same machinery on sensibility; one wind power and the other water-power. And certainly, there is power in both.” How timely is this? These quotes are from Joyce Hifler of course. My favorite author of all times these days. Thomas’ family laughed, he and his friends laughed. There is a special warmth when you sit back and observe such times. And when you think of those times, you smile all over again. Life was like that with Thomas. This is where my contentment comes from, and other things___. I realize how blessed life has been.
“The most fretful mind can ease the pain by laughing in forgetfulness of self, allowing it to roll from the depths to stretch the tight inner person. A hearty laugh not only aids digestion but makes a meal a feast. It breaks the gloom like sunlight and falls like glittering prisms of color across the heart.” Oh! How perfectly said. We do feel very different once we have a good laugh!
“To laugh is healthy. It never allows one to take life so seriously that it becomes a burden. God gave us wit and humor that we might be able to step inside from the serious self and poke a little fun in a delightful way to keep rhythm and spirit working together.”
“Life is a co-operative experience. It demands a great deal of us, but it also supplies the balancing factors to help us bear the demands. Frequently, these equalizers are called tears.” My dearest daughter Jacobie has a number of concerns now that Thomas has died. She loved Thomas as her father and misses him greatly. His death has made her think of my own one day. Yes, I will die one day. And I think although she will miss me as we miss Thomas now. She will be ok too! But we shared in his love and laughter, and now make our own including him in memory. Losing someone does make us think more about death, but it also makes us think of life and how to live it better. Always Ying, and yang___and knowing the opposites is the balance in-between. I think it makes people think too about how to really be present. Laughter brings us into the present. Being in the present you can feel and touch memories within. I can still spontaneously waltz in the kitchen with Thomas. I know his smile. I know there will be times when things happen and I will hear in my head “Shit, happens!” Or “Don’t let that live rent-free in your head!”
“There seems to be a special time for tears. Although we ordinarily think of them as a result of unhappiness, this not always true, for there are many good reasons for tears. Sorrow is easier to bear with tears, but tears are also for beauty. And Thomas was beautiful inside and out! SO___ it is this kind of beauty I will miss. That brings tears to my eyes because I feel so grateful to have known him. So grateful to have been loved so well!
“Sometimes when the moon wanes low__and the stars have all the sky__I can not help but wonder some__There is a life within it all__As dear as dear can be__It is the beauty in your face___it is the light in me!” There is a reason for such a light. It comes from love and laughter and comes from finding the inner beauty in someone else. The habit of seeking such beauty in another person crowds out the other things that lesson the light of love and laughter. That robs us of insights, and where we do not make allowances where learning can happen. We do not live in other’s shoes. But what we expect for ourselves we need to allow others that same chance to learn their way forward. Thomas and I allowed each other to be ourselves, and we talked about things so we could understand one another. We took the time to know each other. We had trust, respect__ I think on all of these thoughts because of the contentment I feel. Under all the feelings that come my way__ The sense of missing him__ the moments of anxiety “Can I do this?” Wondering if the quiet will one day be too quiet? But I like quiet! What will this be like? At this point in life, I know not to overthink. I learned that when you want to not think or change something up you can could from 5 backward and doing helps you to snap out of “it!” This does seem to work or I am going blank upstairs! LOL
What I do know is that I have lots to do, as I did before Thomas’s death. Living life does not stop.
Pejj Nunes 10/20/2020